Love, Blood and Tears: Chapter 27

Love, Blood & Tears
Chapter 27:





The past few weeks had not been kind to Garrus. His vision was hazy…he could hear nothing other than the low humming in his head.  He had hardly eaten in the past few days, only consuming what was necessary for the energy he needed to accomplish his tasks each day.  When at home, he confined himself to his room…ignoring the occasional knocks on the door from his concerned family.  There was only one person he needed…only one person he missed…his best friend…his lover…his everything.  The light had left his eyes…his spirit was nowhere to be found…he was a hollow shell…a broken turian.  He was lost without her…everything was wrong…felt wrong.  He had receded inside himself…unable to find the words to speak when asked the simplest of questions by his family.  All hope had left his body…all will to continue on…he was slipping further away.  Every word spoken to him passed right through him…he was alone in the darkness. Just like on Omega…without her he had lost himself again. He wondered what Shepard would think if she could see him in that moment…could she forgive him for losing hope?  She had saved him from himself once before…could she do it twice?  Would she even want to? Was she even coming back for him?  It didn't matter…all of him belonged to her…and that would never change.

He arrived home at the same time he always did and headed towards his room.  

"Garrus, wait!" Sophira pleaded. "Can I just have a second, please?"

He paused but did not look over at her.  There was a moment of silence before he finally choked out a reply…

"What?"

"Sweetie, I know you're going through a really tough time right now but this behavior of yours is not healthy…you know that.  Your father and I feel you need to get out more…spend some time with others.  I'm begging you…please, son…for me?"

"Fine," he replied as he turned around and headed back towards the front door.

"Wh…where are you going?" she asked.

"Out…just like you said."




*****




Shepard stared out the window in her room. She wondered how Garrus was…how his family was.  She missed him on a level she didn't even think was possible.   She had grown used to the feeling of missing loved ones; all the times her mother had been gone on missions when she was a kid.  She thought missing Garrus would be a similar feeling but it wasn't…it was much worse.  A sick dark feeling constantly lingered in her stomach…making it difficult to breathe. She was so lonely without him…nothing and no one could take that pain away.  She was so tired of being there…being left in silence…no communication…no hope.  

"Great news, Commander," Vega loudly said as he entered her quarters.

She jumped at his sudden interruption of her thoughts.  She turned around to face him.

"Yes?"

"You've been granted a five minute call."

Her heart skipped a beat, "Really? Oh thank God!"

She sprinted out of her quarters and down the hall, "Hurry up, Vega!"

He chuckled as he sprinted to catch up to her.  He finally caught up right as they reached the communication room.  Vega stood guard at the door as she entered the room and headed for the closest console.  





*****





Garrus sat at the bar, downing drink after drink. He kept telling himself that he'd just have one more and then go home.  The hours passed by and the bartender continued to pour him another. With every drink he said a small prayer to the Spirits to please not let him lose wherever "Garrus" was locked away inside him…that he could recover who he was when Shepard came back…if she ever came back.  

"Garrus?" a familiar voice said.

He looked over…recognizing immediately the face of one of his task force members.

"Oh hey, Revick," Garrus slurred.

"You okay?" he chuckled.

"Fine."

"You don't look fine."

"Don't worry about it," Garrus replied as he lost his balance and almost fell off the bar stool.

"Whoa whoa whoa…you are not okay," said Revick as he reached out his hand to keep Garrus from falling back. "I don't care what you say, you are not fine.  I'm giving you a ride home…right now."

"I'm not going home."

"Alright, then you can crash at my place tonight. Let's go."

Revick grabbed Garrus' arm and swung it over his shoulder.  He pulled Garrus up to a standing position and pulled him along as he headed for the exit.  



***



As soon as they entered the apartment, Revick walked Garrus over to the couch and helped him lay down.  Garrus sighed as his body started to relax.

His vision blurred and he closed his eyes. All he could see was Jane…his body tensed; knowing that thinking of her was going to hurt like hell.  He braced himself as his pushed further into his suppressed memories of her…if it hurt, so be it.  His chest tightened as he recalled her smile…her touch…her scent…he couldn't breathe.  He didn't care…he didn't need to breathe…he needed her…if the pain felt real, maybe she would feel real too…like she was right there with him.  

He took a deep breath as his body drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Shepard.  The distance between them disappeared as he dreamed of her. He was too far gone to hear his comm alerting him of an incoming call…




*****



Shepard stared at the console in disbelief.  She got up and walked out of the room...stunned. She looked up at Vega...he raised an eyebrow at her...inquiring as to what was wrong without saying a word.

"He didn't answer..." she whispered.

Vega escorted a somber Shepard back to her room.  He didn't know what to say… he didn't know how to comfort her.

"Let me know if you need anything," he said softly as she entered her room.

"Thanks," she replied…her voice strained.  

She let out a sigh as the door closed and she was left alone with her thoughts.

Why didn't he answer? Had he given up? Her heart grew heavy…she took a seat on the edge of her bed.  Had he decided to move on? After all, neither one of them knew how long she would be stuck on Earth and the Reapers would soon arrive and nothing would matter anyways.  She felt ashamed for even thinking the thought…she knew Garrus loved her…he would wait for her…wouldn't he?  He would never stop fighting…he couldn't leave her behind…right? Tears streamed down her face…Garrus would always be hers…no matter what he decided.  She would never stop loving him…her heart would always be his.  Her love for him was strong and true…she would never give up.  She cradled her head in her hands…how could a missed call affect her so terribly? Make her so crazy...

She sobbed softly into her hands…she felt foolish for having doubts of Garrus' strength and faithfulness.  He had always been there for her…so quick to be by her side whenever she needed him. He was there when no one else was. He would have been with her now had she allowed him.  This separation was her doing…no matter if it was the right thing to do.  She was to blame for why she was alone…why he was so far away.  Was he doing okay without her? Or was he barely surviving just like her?  

She let her body fall back on the bed…she had never felt so lost before.  The tears kept flowing from her weary eyes…everything hurt…her mind…her heart…her soul.  She would not be able to sleep that night…no dreams of Garrus to carry her through the darkness.  She would be awake that night with nothing but the haunting voice of doubt inside her head...it would not be leaving her alone.




*****




Garrus woke up to the feeling of someone nudging him.  He slowly opened his eyes as they did their best to focus in on the figure in front of them.

"Hey," said Revick. "I didn't want to wake you but…it's 0700 and I wasn't sure what your plan was.  Do you want me to handle your assignments for today?"

"No," Garrus replied groggily. "I can handle it. Thanks for waking me, Revick.  Mind if I use your shower?"

"No problem. Then I can swing you by the bar to pick up your transit."

"Thank you."

"Sure. I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast. I'll be back shortly."

Garrus nodded as Revick walked away from him and exited the apartment.  Garrus rubbed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.  Then something caught his eye…his comm was blinking…he had missed a call.  His heart stung as he scanned his comm…

Time: 2300
Location and person: Classified


"Jane…" he whispered faintly.

He hung his head in shame…she finally got to make a call… the one call she always used to contact him…her only chance to speak to someone outside that facility…and he missed it.  

This can't be happening…

He closed his eyes and wished his hardest that it was all just a bad dream.  He wanted so badly to open his eyes and find that the last few months had never happened…that his love had not been taken away from him.

A low mournful growl escaped him as he opened his eyes…and everything was still the same.