Love, Blood and Tears: Chapter 6

Love, Blood & Tears
Chapter 6:


Shepard chose Garrus and Jack as her squad mates for the mission on Horizon.  They had to move fast; the Collectors had started moving colonists onto their ship.  "We've got to hit them hard! Stop them before they get away," said Shepard.

They fought through the Collectors, pushing their way further into the colony.  They came across an unharmed colonist, a mechanic named Delan. "You need to get the laser towers operational! It's our only chance!" he told Shepard.

They fought their way to the tower, through a mass attack of husks.  These husks weren't made here, the Collectors brought them with them. What is going on?!  Shepard and her squad finally made it to the tower and got it online but the lasers needed time to charge. "Damn it! We've got to defend this position!"  They held off swarm after swarm. C'mon! How long does this thing take to warm up?!

After what seemed like an eternity, the towers were activated and immediately began attacking the Collector cruiser; forcing it to retreat with less than half of the colonists. Delan came running out, "No! Don't let them get away!"

"There's nothing we can do," Shepard responded, "they're gone."

"Half the colony's in there! Do something!"

"I didn't want it to end this way.  I did what I could."

"More than most, Shepard," said Garrus.

"Shepard?" questioned Delan, "Wait, I know that name.  Sure, I remember you – you're some type of big Alliance hero."

"Commander Shepard," a voice interrupted, emerging from the corner. Kaidan! "Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel," he looked at Delan, "you're in the presence of a legend," he looked back at Shepard, "and a ghost."

"Screw this," said Delan as he walked off. "I'm done with you Alliance types."

Kaidan approached Shepard.  He looked into her eyes, then reached out to hug her.  "I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

Garrus felt his body tense.  He didn't know exactly what Kaidan's relationship had been with Shepard but he didn't like seeing him here now….holding her.  The embrace was too long for Garrus' liking. He's lingering.

"You don't sound too happy to see me.  Something bothering you?" she asked.

"Yeah something's bothering me! I spent two years believing you were dead. I thought we had something Shepard. Something real…I loved you."

Oh boy, this is going to be worse than I planned, she thought to herself.  She stared at Kaidan almost in disbelief at the words that had just come out of his mouth.

He continued on, "Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?

Garrus could feel his anger building. Put him through that?! What about Shepard?! What about what she's been through?!

"I'm sorry Kaidan.  I was clinically dead. It took two years to bring me back," said Shepard.

Garrus stared are her. She's apologizing to him?!

Shepard chose her next words carefully, "So much time has passed. You've moved on. I don't want to reopen old wounds."

"I did move on."

Oh thank God!

"At least I thought I did."

Crap!!

"But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus."

"Reports?" Garrus questioned, "you mean you already knew?" That bastard!

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies – they got a hit that this colony might be next.  There were rumors that you weren't dead – that you were working for the enemy."

"Cerberus and I want the same thing – to save colonies," Shepard replied. "That doesn't mean I answer to them."

"Do you really believe that? Or is that just what they want you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive but I NEVER expected anything like this.  You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance, you betrayed me."

It took everything Garrus had not to lunge at Kaidan. How can he say those things to her!! The Alliance wouldn't even retrieve her body! No one continued her work! Who betrayed who?!

"Kaidan, you know me," she responded. "You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself – the Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the Reapers!"

"I want to believe you but I don't trust Cerberus.  They could be using the threat of the Reapers to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

Garrus couldn't take anymore, "Damn it Kaidan! You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!"

"I can see you won't listen to reason," Shepard added.

"You show up after two years and tell me you're working with Cerberus. Where does that figure into any of this? You've changed but I still know where my loyalties lie.  I'm an Alliance solider -always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel.  They can decide it they believe your story or not.  Goodbye Shepard. Be careful."

Shepard stood there stunned, watching Kaidan walk away.  Garrus watched her closely, he could see she was hurt. Did she love him? Is that why she's upset?

Shepard got on her comm, "Joker, send a shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."

*****

Shepard sat in her quarters, thinking about the things Kaidan had said to her. I haven't changed and I certainly have not turned my back on everything I believe in…right?  She found herself analyzing everything she'd done up to that point; questioning if she was still the same person.

*knock knock knock*

"Shepard, it's Garrus. Can I come in?"

She let him in and gave him a smile. He could tell it was not genuine.  "You okay? he asked.

"Yes…no…I mean, I will be. I just…Garrus, am I still me?"

"What?"

"Am I still the same person? Have I changed? Have I turned my back on what I stood for? What my crew stood for? What if I'm not even really me! What if Cerberus did something to change me?"

Damn that Kaidan for doing this to her! "Jane," he said – placing his hands on her shoulders. "You're you. Trust me – I know."

"But how do you know? How can you be so sure?"

"Your scent, your color changing eyes, your wit, the way you walk, the way you talk, everything is the same as it always has been.  My gut would tell me if something wasn't right with you."

He wanted to pummel Kaidan so bad for making Shepard second guess herself. "You, uh, must've really had some uh…"

"What Garrus? Just say it."

"Did you love him?"Why am I asking her that?! That's none of my business! But he just had to know.

"God no! Not even close. No, nothing serious ever happened between us. That has nothing to do with why I'm shaken up.  I just thought maybe he saw something in me that I was too close to see."

"Well, he was wrong." Garrus felt a wave of relief to hear Shepard say she didn't love Kaidan.

"Garrus, why did you join me? You don't trust Cerberus and I was gone for two years and then just magically reappeared."

"Because you were the best thing I had going on in my life.  You gave me purpose, made me feel like what I did mattered.  I wanted to have that feeling back again.  I felt it the minute I saw you on that bridge, taking out those mercs…"

"Wait a minute," the tone of her voice changed. "You knew it was me on the bridge? Did you realize that before or after you shot at me?!"

Crap, how do I explain this one without sounding crazy? "Yeah, sorry about that.  I thought maybe I was hallucinating. It'd been awhile since I ate or slept, cut me a break.  Besides, I took a missile to the face so I think that makes us more than even."

She smiled, "You can't keep playing the "missile to the face" card forever you know."

He chuckled briefly before turning to stone as she put her hand on his chest.

"Thank you Garrus, for having such faith in me. It means a lot."

He pulled her into his embrace, "My faith in you could never be shaken Jane, never."

She nestled into his chest, "I'm glad I've got you Garrus."

He felt something stir inside him. His heart beat kicked up a notch. He breathed in her scent; it was too much – he felt himself losing control.  He gently grabbed her arms and pushed her away; he looked into her eyes as he did so. "You gonna be okay?

"Yeah...why? You leaving?"

"I was running some calibrations before I came up here.  I need to go check the results." Liar!

"Of course," she said with a smile. "Catch up with you later then."

He quickly left her quarters and got in the elevator.  He could feel his emotions stirring.  The look in her eyes, the feel of her soft but strong shoulders under his hands, her resting on his chest, the feel of her smooth silky hair against his face, her scent…..he could no longer deny it……I'm in love with her.