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Mass Effect by Page-Mistress

Mass Effect by LightEcoSage1

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July 2, 2012
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Garrus and Chellick were busy reviewing footage at their desks into the late hours of the evening.  They were working on a case together involving suspicious cargo that was being run through the Citadel.  All ships docking were legitimate which meant that when they finally pinpointed the ship, either the entire crew was "dirty" or they had an extremely shady crew member that was very good at hiding his illegal activities.  In any case, they had to pinpoint what ship, or ships, the cargo was coming from and this was proving to be quite the task.  They reviewed hundreds of tapes from the course of a few months, watching every ship dock, watching every crate that exited, checking the docking records to make sure everything matched up. So far, they had turned up nothing.

"I can't look at any more footage," sighed Chellick. "It's late; let's just pick this back up tomorrow."

"Yeah, alright," Garrus replied as he rubbed his eyes. "You want to go get a drink? My treat."

"Sounds good to me – let's get the hell out of here," Chellick said as he got up from his chair and stretched. "Besides, you know how much Pallin hates us working overtime."

"I'm surprised he hasn't added it to his list of rules in the break room."

"Oh Spirits, I can't believe he started that list," Chellick laughed. "I have a feeling it's going to get a lot longer too."

They shared a few more laughs about Pallin as they closed up their office and headed for the bar.  They strolled through the Citadel as they reminisced about some of their funniest "run ins" with Pallin.  Chellick was a good agent; doing as he was told and trying to stay compliant with C-Sec's rules.  However, as he had been told on multiple occasions by Pallin, Garrus was somewhat of a bad influence on him – as Garrus was usually involved in every situation Chellick found himself getting reprimanded by Pallin for.

They arrived at the bar and quickly claimed a table as an asari came by to take their drink order.  

"So, another day of watching docking videos tomorrow?" Chellick said less than thrilled.

"There's got to be a faster way," Garrus replied. "We need to get creative."

"Every time you say that word, it usually leads to trouble."

"Does not," Garrus retorted as the asari brought them their drinks.

Before they knew it, a couple hours had passed and they had downed many more drinks than they had planned to.  After paying the tab, the two drunk turians stumbled their way out of the bar.  Once they finally made their way inside the elevator, Chellick went to press the button for the lower wards level but his hand was quickly slapped away by Garrus.

"Whatayadoin?" Chellick slurred.

"Ducking bay…dacking…Spirits! Docking bay," Garrus finally managed to say as he pressed the button for the docking level.


"I wanna look around."

"What for?"

"Clues, ideas, I dunno…let's go look."

They stumbled out of the elevator when it arrived at the docking bay.  They walked through the quiet docks…looking for nothing in particular.  Garrus really had no idea what he expected to find – he was just hoping to find something…anything was better than another day of reviewing videos.

"Hey, whattabout him?" Garrus said as he pointed to his objective.

"A keeper? Garrussss, you ca…can't bother…"

"They see evurathang that goes on," Garrus replied as he walked over to the keeper. "There's gotta be a way to talk withem."

Chellick laughed as he followed Garrus over to the keeper.  The keeper looked over at them briefly before turning back to his terminal.

"Hey," Garrus said as he poked the keeper.

The keeper looked over at Garrus…

"What now?" Chellick chuckled.

"I dunno," Garrus laughed. "Uhm…hi?"

The keeper turned back to his terminal.

"Hey!" Garrus said as he poked the keeper again. "I was talkin' to ya."

The keeper looked over again and pushed Garrus away from him.

"Oh, thazit," Garrus slurred as he pushed back.

"Garrus, we're gonna get in trou…"

"This keeper's an asshole," Garrus retorted as he scuffled with the keeper.

Chellick watched in a dazed disbelief as he watched his drunken friend break even more rules…


The next morning Garrus woke up with a splitting headache.  As he adjusted his blurry eyes to his surroundings, he realized that he was in Chellick's apartment.  He had fallen asleep on his couch and Chellick had passed out on the living room floor.  Garrus sat up, rubbed his eyes and then he got up and walked over to his friend.

"Get up," Garrus said as he kicked at Chellick's side to try and wake him.

"Uuuughhh," Chellick moaned as he rolled away from Garrus' foot. "Cut it out, I'm awake."

"We need to get going – we're going to be late for work."

"What happened last night?" Chellick yawned as he stretched out his body.

"I don't know. I remember drinking…going to the docks….don't remember much else."

"Me either."

"In any case, we really do need to get going."

"I'm trying, I'm trying…just give me a sec."

They worked fast to wake themselves up, get quick showers in and grab something to eat that was expired in Chellick's apartment.  They scurried as fast as they could to C-Sec and tried to sneak into their office undetected.  They were not that lucky…

"VAKARIAN! CHELLICK! My office now!" Pallin yelled as he walked by them when they were only mere feet from making it into their office.

"Damn it," Garrus muttered.

"Great," Chellick sighed.

They walked into Pallin's office…he was sitting as his desk...staring at them as they each took a seat.  

"How's the case coming along?" Pallin asked.

"It's fine sir," Garrus replied. "We have a lot of footage to go through."

"Yes, I know. That's why I assigned a few extra agents to help. I decided to have them start with the most current footage and work their way back, while you guys worked your way forward.  I had them start this morning with footage from yesterday. Is there anything you two care to share with me?"

"Uh, no," Garrus replied puzzled….what did they do last night?

"Really…Chellick? How about you? Anything to share?"

"To be honest sir, I don't remember much of what I did last night.  Vakarian and I had gone out for drinks after work and after that everything is a big blur. I'm sorry, sir," Chellick sighed.

"I see. Well then, let me refresh your memories for you," Pallin replied as he brought up a holo screen. "What you are seeing is video footage of the docking area from last night."

Garrus and Chellick watched intently as the video played…

Garrus appears on screen – fumbling around like an idiot.  Chellick is right behind him and appears to be laughing.  All of a sudden, Garrus points at a nearby keeper…Chellick shakes his head in disapproval of something Garrus has said.  Garrus walks over to the keeper, Chellick follows him.  Garrus pokes the keeper, pokes the keeper again, the keeper pushes Garrus, he pushes back, the keeper pushes Garrus again….Garrus tackles the keeper behind a crate and can no longer be seen by the camera.  Chellick rushes behind the crate and can no longer be seen by the camera.

A few minutes of nothing….

Garrus and Chellick emerge with the keeper in their arms.  Garrus has a hold of his legs, doing his best to keep him from squirming, while Chellick holds onto his neck.  They run out of the docking area and out of the camera's view.

Pallin turned off the recording and stared at them…waiting for a reaction.  Garrus started to recall the night's events after seeing the footage.  They had taken the keeper back to Chellick's apartment to "question" him.  When they got inside, Chellick let go of the keeper and passed out on the floor.  Garrus' hands slipped and he dropped the keeper and tripped over him and flew forward onto the couch.  The keeper made his way over to the door and quickly exited the apartment.  Garrus must've passed out shortly after that.

"We're so sorry, sir," Chellick blurted out. "I don't know what we were thinking…we weren't thinking obviously."

Pallin turned his eyes to Garrus…

"What?" Garrus said. "The keeper started it."

Chellick closed his eyes as he did his best not to laugh.  Pallin sighed and looked less than amused.

"Stay away from the keepers," Pallin said sternly. "That is a rule for everyone on the Citadel and you are required to follow it. I don't want to know why you were bothering one – I don't care what your reasons are. Don't do it again. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." Chellick replied.

"Very clear, sir," Garrus said.

"Now get back to work," Pallin responded. "You're dismissed."


Later that day, Garrus entered the break room for lunch and noticed there were a few new rules added to the list.  He laughed as he read them.

"I told you that list was going to get longer," Chellick said as he entered the break room with his lunch.

"I'm flattered to inspire such a list," Garrus replied with a smirk as he sat down at a table with Chellick.

They had a few good laughs as they saw the looks on some of their co-workers' faces at reading the new rules when entering the break room.  They could only imagine the thoughts running through their minds as to what caused those rules to have to be written in the first place.
This is a short story for C-Sec Break Room Rules (69 rule challenge) by ~greenmamba5 [link]

Here's a blog from greenmamba about how this came to be:

"So, my headcannon is that Garrus is the reason for a lot of rules around C-Sec headquarters because he did so many crazy things when he was an officer. Now that I've finished chapter 26, I'm going to work on a list of rules Garrus (or other agents, he doesn't have to be the only bad boy/girl) inspired.

To quote ~Plantress: "XD I'm picturing this huuuge list of rules posted on a wall in the squad room, and a new one is added after each case Garrus works."

Once I get the list written and posted, I challenge you, ME community, to write or draw an explanation of why the rule was put into effect. Preemptively spread this around! I should have the list ready by the end of the weekend!"

My story is for why rules # 9 through # 12 had to be written, lol : )

I had so much fun writing this! Hope you guys find it funny!

~greenmamba5 illustrated a scene:

All characters are the sole property of Bioware, and all that jazz.
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LouFale1337 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013
Dang my face hurts from laughing so much hahaha!!!
Turian-Lover Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Belanna42 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
okay, this was freak'n hilliarous!!! :lol:
Turian-Lover Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :D
Misty-SaDiablo Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
I love this!
Turian-Lover Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
CookiesRmine Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Tarturus Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icongarrusplz::iconsaysplz: Well, the keeper DID start it.
Turian-Lover Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol, he totally did : )
divadevi8808 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
LOL! I can visualize the keeper running out of the apartment like a scared cat. :-)
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